Families

   I grew up in the middle of a large family (8 children).  As a member of that family, I heard many comments from other children at school, mostly crude or negative.  Oftentimes, I felt like I was just one of a crowd.  Teachers wouldn't know my first name, or I would be confused with one of my siblings.  I was referred to as 'one of the Rollins girls'.  As an adult, I admit that I have done the same to children of large families.  I have called them by the wrong name or neglected even learning their first name.  Unless I spend a lot of time with that family, and get to know their individual personalities, I find it difficult to distinguish between siblings.  I know one family with 6 boys and all of their names start with the same letter.  Talk about confusing!
   I had some good experiences as well.  I always had someone to play with, when we moved I still had a whole bunch of familiar faces.  I learned organization, responsibility, and how to interact with others.  I had a lot of quirks teased out of me at home.  I have to admit that at times, I am still embarrassed by my family.  I had days when I wondered if my parents truly wanted me as an individual or if I was just part of the package.
   My husband and I are slowly building our own family and traditions.  We do not have a set number of children we think should be part of our family, but the number is definitely lower than eight.  Some days I feel that I need to defend my choice to have a 'small' family'.  I really feel that some people can handle many children, and I am not one of those people.  My goals for my children are that they always know they are loved and wanted, and I need to have less children so that I can focus more on the ones I have.  Especially with my husband in the military, I have had to be 'solo Mom' for birthdays, holidays, weekends, camping trips, doctor visits, etc.  I HATE being dependent on anyone, even my husband.  When he is around, he is a fabulous part of our family, but I am the one who is constant and manages the day-to-day situations.  As that constant provider, I need to maintain my sanity, so I try not to take on more than I can handle.  I would rather be a good mom to a few children then a decent mom to a lot.
   I spent a lot of time with pre-schoolers who were often neglected or just ignored.  I had children who knew all the characters on Nickelodeon but had no idea what a cow said.  I had children who would wear the same clothing for days in a row.  I had children so starved for attention that they would do anything to win a teachers approval.  I loved these children but hated their circumstances.  I am determined that my children will never be viewed as neglected.  They will have everything they need, including attention from me.
   I have loved spending time with my daughter, teaching her and watching her grow.  We have had a great few years together and formed a bond that will last forever.